Measure Their Heads

For months now I’ve heard a number of congressional leaders talk about how they can’t waste the time of the House of Representatives with fruitless pursuits such as impeachment hearings into the conduct of either President Bush or Vice President Cheney. Apparently our elected officials have more important things to do. Like what?

Baseball? That’s right sports fans; Baseball!

Henry Waxman’s committee on Oversight and Government Reform, which is billed on it’s website as the main investigative body of the US House of Representatives, is holding hearings into whether or not baseball players have been using performance enhancing drugs. Can somebody help me out here? Am I having something approaching an apoplectic fit for no good reason, or does this throw you into a near convulsive contortion as well.

First of all, you don’t need a congressional investigative committee to figure out if Roger Clemens took human growth hormone. Did you see his head on CNN yesterday? I don’t know how you couldn’t have because it was on all goddamn day. That wasn’t some sort of special effect, that was his real head. You can’t grow a noggin that big on milk and cookies. There’s only one bigger head in all of baseball and it belongs to Barry Bonds, so there you have it.

What I’d truly like explained is why Waxman’s committee should give a shit about any of this. I don’t get it. The Mitchell Report? Bud Selig asked George Mitchell to investigate steroid and HGH abuse in major league baseball and he did. He produced a 400 or so page report that names 70 some guys who allegedly used performance enhancing drugs over the last decade or so. And? Oh, so it ought to go in front of a congressional committee and be on CNN all goddamn day? How does something like this happen? Isn’t there a lesser body somewhere that can deal with this, like maybe a drug court or something?

Waxman’s committee has got plenty else to do. The House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform is looking into matters such as no bid Blackwater contracts in Iraq, to state department personnel connections to Blackwater, to whether or not the Bush’s White House is in compliance with the Presidential Records Act, (with a hearing scheduled on this crucial matter on Friday, February 15th, TOMORROW!!!) to………….the outlawed drug habits of pro athletes????? Sweet Jesus.

I’m much more concerned about steroid use in the White House than I am in pro baseball. Maybe George W. and Darth Cheney have been sticking needles in each others asses for years, and this explains our current foreign policy. Condi Rice sure looks like she’s nearly overdosing on testosterone. How can we know for sure? Well, we could drag them all in front of Henry Waxman’s oversight committee, though it would be a lot cheaper to just measure their heads.

Steve Carlson
2-14-08